Upon the shores of the Pacific, here in Venice, California,
Mark Whitwell has graced us with his presence the last several weeks at
exhale-Sacred Movement. As always, when I find myself in the presence of my beloved teacher, my entire perspective on life and yoga morphs, returning to the depths of source. A refreshing drink straight from the well of Krishnamacharya quenches a thirst that cannot quite be satiated any other way. Mark's pure transmission accompanied by his arresting depth of knowledge, experience, passion and integrity for the purity of yoga captivates his every audience and leaves us pondering the most basic of questions.
"What is life really about?" and
"Why are we really doing yoga?"
The heart of yoga = Strength receiving.
Merging of the opposites reveals the heart, or
hridaya. Our purpose in this lifetime is deep intimacy. Nothing more. Nothing less. Mating. Sexual union. Connection. Tantra. We are meant to come together. Enjoy each others' loving. This is the precise function of life itself. Prana exists to procreate. Bottom line.
This is an interesting predicament to ponder for a freshly baked 35-year-old girl enraptured in the throes of an inspiring, thriving career, yet, feeling the heart strings pull and the call of motherhood beckon. Yes, it's true...about a year ago, I began to feel the undeniable 'urge to merge'. And, everytime that I am in the presence of
Mark Whitwell, I am reminded that this is the most natural, and indeed, essential call of life. This is exactly what I should be doing. Seeking a beloved and creating a family!
While a successful career and individuation are great...at some level, what we all crave is the simple ordinariness of life. Or, as Mark says, the "ordinary relatedness of life". He is thrilled when he sees a couple connecting, building a nest and settling down. True Ha-tha Yoga! I remember a night in the West Village 7 years ago, when Mark and I met my younger sister and brother-in-law for dinner. After witnessing their blossoming romance and the scaffolding of a nest being built, Mark pulled me aside on a rainy New York street and declared -- "Brilliance!" Their commitment to each other and a life together was perfection!
I am, of course, in no way suggesting this "urge to merge" or create a family, get married and have a baby is an authentic or right choice for everyone. Clearly not. Just diving a little deeper into the wellspring of the wonder that is my womb and the experience of being a woman of a certain age in a certain time in history.
Maybe, it's the mid-decade birthday last week, or the increasing number of friends getting knocked up or the elders aging and friends with cancer that remind me of how short life really is....but, I definitely sit here impatient (maybe a little frantic) and asking the question - "What do I need to change in my life to draw in the partner of my dreams and create the family I desire?" I do of course "trust the universe", "know I am worthy" and have several eligible bachelors orbiting around. So, why isn't anything sticking?
Mark would say it's that our world is turned upside-down. Our world has been warped with our overvaluation of and obsession with work, effort, busy-ness. Shaped by the forces of materialism and patriarchal spiritual traditions (including the Brahmanic yogic tradition), we are inherently conditioned to pursue the vertical path. To achieve, acquire and prove our worth through grand external successes. However, true value remains rooted in the quality of our interactions (the horizontal, relational path). As
they say, "Nothing comes with us when we die."
Yoga is nothing more than deep intimacy with reality. Reality is nothing more than nurturing life force.
What are you going to do about that? It's a struggle. I love my work and I want to work hard. I love working hard. I love serving, giving, traveling, It's all so very inspiring, fun and incredibly rewarding ... and yet, deeper questions beckon: Where does all this passionate pursuit of a truly inspiring career leave me? Where does that get in the way of relationship? And, why is this such a struggle for women in their mid-thirties/early-forties at this point in time? It doesn't seem fair.
Mark unabashedly replies: "It's wrong. It's wrong dharma. It's dharma that has got us nowhere. It's a mistake that we are supposed to get free of desire. It's not just for stimulating sex. It's for Shiva Lingum. It's for union. It's for life. The idea is you be very specific about it and to make the calls to everybody and anybody that is at all possibly available to you. Strength receiving. Within and without. The asana of relationship. Put some intention on that."
It's a spiritual discipline. "You're very brave", he tells me. Yes --- it's a bold path to fearlessly pursue all of one's deepest desires and remain visible, vulnerable, misunderstood. Yet, what other choice do we really have but to courageously live the questions?
I am beginning to understand Tantra. The great mystery revealed in the absolutely ordinary.
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